Fostered children

Amanda is 21 years old and in her final year of studying for a psychology degree at a London university. 

She plans to take a master's after she graduates and eventually wants to work in the mental health sector.

Amanda came into care as a 14-year-old and stayed in the same foster home till she left for university. She's still in touch with her foster carer and visits her regularly.

Amanda said:

"My foster carer helped me to spread my wings and fly but at the same time she provided a structured home.

She was always there if I needed her and could offer advice if I asked, but I felt quite independent from quite a young age. I think a lot of children and young people in care do feel like that.

I’m so grateful I was taken into care when I was. I was in a very dangerous situation at home. It was the best thing that could have happened.

I get on very well too with my Southwark social worker who has been with me since the start. I think social workers and foster carers do the most important job in the world, protecting children from very dangerous situations.

I'm where I am and who I am now because I went into care when I did."

Rilwan is 19 years old. Like many young people his age, he's just starting to experience independence and beginning to make his way in the world. 

He’s just completed NVQ level 3s at college and is now applying for engineering courses at university. He recently won a Southwark Council ‘Volunteer of the Year’ award for coaching children's football.

Things could have been very different for him though. Two years ago he was homeless after the breakdown of the relationship with his family. He was unable to attend college because of this and could not see a positive future.

Because he was under 18 at the time, he was taken into care. Rilwan says it was this that gave him the chance to get back on his feet and back to college.

He said: 

"My foster carer took time to help me. It was a great home where I felt comfortable and could do college work. She taught me so much – how to cook and basic housekeeping. I’m really grateful to her – it means that I can live independently now.

Without that time of foster care, I would have really struggled to pick myself up. I live in a flat now, on my own and I’m doing alright."

Names and details have been changed. 

Bethany is 14 and has been living with her foster carer Marion for about 2 years. Bethany came into care when she was 10 after having been severely neglected by her birth family. Back then she hardly spoke and had very little self confidence.

"When Bethany arrived with me, she was still extremely quiet and withdrawn”, says Marion.

"I took a gentle approach and it certainly took time, but little by little she started to trust us and open up.

Now she’s thriving. She’s completely part of our family and the 2 of us have a real bond. We talk a lot together and she shares things with me.

All of us – the Southwark fostering service, the therapist and the staff at her school – have worked together and it’s paid off. She speaks so much more confidently now, has friends and is doing well. 

She went on a school trip to France this summer which she loved. She’s into reading and gymnastics and has started being interested in the whole clothes and make-up teenage thing! We had help with personal tuition for her and she’s now on course to get good GCSEs."

It’s hoped Bethany will be able to stay with Marion until she’s an independent adult.

Names and details have been changed. 

Fifteen-year-old Isaac came into the care system because his birth father who was bringing him and 2 other children up single-handedly, was diagnosed with a serious illness.

Isaac had started to stay out overnight without permission and was missing school. Social workers suggested that he would benefit from living with a foster carer, but with plenty of opportunities to see his dad and siblings in a neutral setting.

The decision has proved to be the right one. Isaac now wins school attendance awards and is set to do well in his GCSEs. 

He's very settled in the home of his foster carer, Pauline, and gets on well with the 2 other foster children who live there. He maintains a strong relationship with his dad and has moved away from the gang that he hung around with before.

Isaac has told his social worker he is very happy with having been given the chance of a supportive home.  

He says he knows Pauline is always there for him, but she appreciates the relationship he has with his dad.

He has a good understanding of why it's best that he does not live with his birth family, although he does miss them.

Names and details have been changed. 

Six-year-old Jordan has been in care for the past 6 months. His birth parents' drug and alcohol abuse have made it unsafe for him to live with them at the moment. 

Jordan was placed with his foster carer, Matt, within hours of the decision to take him out of the family home.

"Obviously it was very tense and emotional for everyone”, says Matt.

"He was upset at first, then a bit silent but after a couple of days he wanted to chat. I gave him the space and time to express what he was feeling and answered all the questions he had as honestly as I could.

Sometimes he didn’t want to talk so we just did kick abouts in the park and watched his favourite films.

A few weeks in and something just clicked. He began smiling again and running up to me when I picked him up from school.

We're a great team now… totally in sync! It’s not always easy – Jordan has seen stuff no child should ever have to witness and that does show itself as anger and hostility sometimes. 

I really feel like I’ve helped him work through stuff through and that’s a great feeling. Last week Jordan told me he really liked living with me and that made my day!"

Names and details have been changed. 

Six-year-old Kyle and his 3-year-old brother, Conrad, came into care 2 years ago after it was felt that their birth mother was unable to keep them safe and well. 

Both boys have disabilities which require special attention. Their foster carers, Julie and Brian have received training from specialist medical and therapeutic staff brought together by the Southwark fostering team.

Julie says: 

"Kyle and Conrad have many challenges, but it has been amazing to see how they overcome them. We have enjoyed helping them and it has been so rewarding to see them making such progress every day.

We try to give them lots of reassurance and we tell them while they might not be quite as agile as other children, that doesn’t need to stop them having fun and doing loads of things.

Both boys really love trips out – whether it’s to the park or to stay for a few days at the seaside. They do sometimes act out their frustration but we’ve worked out now how to get to the bottom of what’s wrong and how to soothe them. 

They are so much a part of our family – they are very affectionate to us and to our own grown-up children – we couldn’t imagine life without them now.”

Names and details have been changed.