Foster carers

Stella said:

"[Fostering] is something I always wanted to do. When we were looking to buy our first property we got one with an extra bedroom because I knew I wanted to care for children. 

Back home, my mum was a nursery teacher and I grew up with 3 other children in the house. When I was younger, I thought they were my mum’s too but when I grew up I found out that they were children from other families and my mum had been looking after them.

I always say, fostering is not just a young person or a child coming into your home and you providing a roof and a safe environment. It’s love. Especially with teenagers, they need someone to love them. 

You showing them this tiny bit of love will help a teenager go a long way. The best thing about fostering is seeing the child thrive in their own way, not comparing them to anyone else. To see them out there being independent and coping with life, I can’t describe what that’s like.

You have to take every day as a new day and forget about what has happened the other day. The joy is the progression of the child. I’ve cared for unaccompanied minors and when they arrive they can’t speak English. 

When they first get here I’ll buy a good dictionary and use the Internet to interpret what we’re saying. After a while I’ll hear them calling ‘Auntie, Auntie I’m going out!’ I cannot explain the feeling to hear that! 

I also bought things to make them feel at home, especially food. My grandma used to say, ‘Food is the heart of the child!’ Also, being in the kitchen together brought us closer.

If you woke me up in the middle of the night and asked me about the children I’ve cared for, over 60 children, I can tell you each one’s date of birth and why they came to me. 

I can tell you that, but ask me what I had for breakfast and I can’t remember! That’s how they are to me. I always want to know what they're doing and how they are, even after they leave me.

This Christmas we had over 20 of our children at our house. This time they came back with their partners and their children. Seeing them now and remembering them how they were - that’s the real reward for foster carers.”

Debbie and Paul have been fostering since 2015 and are caring for a teenage boy.

Debbie said: 

“I wanted to become a foster carer and especially a foster carer for Southwark Council because it’s where I live and I think it's important Southwark people foster Southwark children. 

We found ourselves in a situation where our youngest went away to university and we were rattling around a 3 bedroom flat and it’s a joy to have youngsters coming into the home. It’s something that we both wish we had done sooner.

You’ve got to be prepared to treat that child as one of your own, they’ll be able to tell if you were keeping them at arm’s length. It’s really important that for the time that child is with you, you are their advocate and you speak up for them when they need it.”

Paul adds: “If you are considering becoming a foster carer, you need to think about your family and how it will affect them. It’s very important they feel included as you’ve got to think about the whole package. You’re not just looking after a child, you’re taking them under your wing and that child needs to feel part of your family."

Debbie: “We’re looking after a teenager at the moment. I think there can be a lot of sensationalised stories about caring for older children. 

What was really good for us was that we were able to meet with him first as he was in respite care and it just clicked. With teenagers you still have to be there and parent but they also like to have their own time. 

As long as there is compromise and you are in agreement with what they’re doing - it’s easier than what people might think. 

Despite any initial concerns that I had - I love it. He’s part of our family and other foster children that we’ve had look up to him for advice. He always has a home with us. He threatens I’m going to find him on the couch when he’s 22 or 23! He still sees his family all the time and he’s also part of ours.

The news only ever reports the bad stuff, you only ever hear about the ‘impossible teenagers’ and that’s not the case for everyone. You don’t hear about the good things!”

Francine has looked after more than 70 children, both short and long term.

She said: 

"It was my mum who originally got me into fostering - she was a foster carer herself and I always saw her as an inspiration. I wanted to do something myself to help the community. 

I decided to foster with Southwark Council because I wanted to help local children, ensuring that they could stay in the borough and remain as settled as possible.

Many of the children that have first come to me are scared, cry for their parents and won't let you touch them. You realise that some of these children have been through more in 4 to 5 years than many adults have in their entire life. 

I try to make their time with me as normal as possible, and on weekends take them on day trips to the coast to get out of London. There have always been challenges and I've had to deal with lots of things, but I've only had 2 children that have moved on because they needed more specialist care. 

I'm still in contact with many of my foster children and one, who is now all grown up, recently visited me with his girlfriend and told her that the time he spent with me were some of the best years of his life, which made me really proud.

Over the years I've been in contact with numerous carers who I've met through training or at fostering events and days out. I met one of my closest friends on the fostering induction course.

It's always good to have someone else who is in a similar situation and you can talk to about your experience. The social workers I've had have been fantastic and I've always experienced good support from them. In addition to having a strong network of back-up carers - family and friends who can help out.

If someone was considering fostering I would tell them that it is hard work but also extremely rewarding. Fostering requires patience, empathy, flexibility and a good routine. 

You need to be accommodating and be able to adapt your time to their lives and needs, attending school meetings, medical and dental appointments and taking them to after school activities." 

Paulette and her husband Neville were approved initially as short-term carers but more recently as long-term carers. 

During this period, they've cared for 7 children in total and currently care for 2 brothers aged 12 and 8 and a girl aged 7.

For many years Paulette worked in the care sector helping adults with learning difficulties, but was always interested in working with secondary school-aged children. 

With 3 grown-up children of their own, it was Paulette's mother who suggested they apply to become foster carers, knowing their passion for children. They therefore decided to give fostering a go.

Paulette said:

"The greatest thing about fostering is watching the children grow and develop from their first arrival with us. Most of the children who first came to us had a lot of baggage and emotional stories from their past and all we wanted to do was protect and help them. 

One of the girls that came to stay with us could not even read, despite being in primary school. But within 6 months she was reading and writing and now you cannot ever take a pen off her. 

Another boy we cared for was very shy and quiet when he first came to us, but since then he has come out of his shell and is doing things he never did, even giving us hugs now.

It hasn't all been easy and we've had some challenging children, one in particular who was so determined to go home to his mother that he kept running away and we've spent many nights out on the streets looking for him. 

However, one thing we've learnt through fostering is that no matter how they were treated, they still love their families. So you've just got to put yourself in their shoes, give them their space but at the same time let them know you are there for them.

Fostering has been a hugely rewarding experience for us and I'm glad we've been given the chance to work with children again. 

We always tell our foster children that we treat them the same as how we treated our own children when they were growing up. If we tell them off, it's for their own good."